I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
