Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
