I must be too annoying 4 u.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize