Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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