She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
