So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
