I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
