I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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