I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
