Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just threw up on my dentist
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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