so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize