you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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