You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
