Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
