she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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