Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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