I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
