umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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