It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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