I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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