meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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