I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
