mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
