i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
