exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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