using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
