i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
