last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
