Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish there were birth control emojis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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