Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
