I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
not ubering you a puppy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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