I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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