He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
porn star boner night. come get it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
