im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
