Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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