Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
