No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
