Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
