So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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