i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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