After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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