so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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