the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
