I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
