I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
