there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
