Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
