I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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