with your own penis?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
