I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
