Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
