and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
