Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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