just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
