Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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