it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
