slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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