What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
birth control should be required to get into college
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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