Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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