Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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