12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
