Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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