Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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