i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
