He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
