Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
