went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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