I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
