This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
