can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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