I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
