the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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