dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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