kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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