i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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