Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
