Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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