capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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