The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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