so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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