It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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