I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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