At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
