a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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